Things Will Work Out

(Instagram: @sophiabush)

---

This week was the first time in a while that I’ve had a mental breakdown. My mental breakdowns consist of shameful episodes of panic and worry that I rarely want to admit. The stress of college has been getting to my head because of midterms and that I’m not doing well in one of my most important classes. I’ve been feeling as if this weight is crushing me. I’ve been worrying that if I don’t keep up a good GPA this semester, then that sets the pace for the rest of my college career. I’d been on the honors roll during my time in high school, and now I’m in the Honors College at my university. I’m finding it almost impossible at times to keep up with the high quality work that is so commonly expected from college students. There’s always been this extreme amount of pressure for young students to do well in college, so that they can find the best job in order to have the best life…

I’m calling bullshit.

Education is important, but experience is also important. I’ve always been worried about school grades (and I still do) that sometimes I forget to go out and experience life — to live. Even with the stress of this week, in the most peculiar of ways, the universe still dropped little reminders here and there about all the amazing things that have happened, are happening, and are going to happen in my life. I spent so much time worrying about one aspect of my life that I’ve forgotten about so much of the other good that has happened, is happening, and is going to happen in the future — this good is what keeps you living. I, somehow, forget to live at times and am only alive. There’s a difference between being alive and living. Being alive is like being in a standstill while minutes of your life tick by. Living is having those minutes mean something — to spend them in a state of happiness, when all is good and right. Being alive is nothing compared to the daily feeling of transcendence when you’re living. There’s a vitality in living that you can’t find with being alive. Living is what leads to the best life that one can imagine for themselves.

I’m reminded about the ideas of patience and perseverance. Patience for the greatness that is to come and perseverance to make it even greater. To take a deep breath, to not worry, to be happy. To trust that life will take its course and it will take you to bountiful extremes. To trust that things in life will work themselves out so that one can go on living.

I’m building this trust.